I don't know why I think of this crap

A while ago a friend said that she and her husband had both left status updates (on facebook) that they would be away from the house at the same time...for some reason I thought of that this morning (while doing dishes) and then the following is what came to mind next.  Not sure what it all means, but I'm guessing that my inner being is a dumb redneck. 


They both left messages that they would be away from the house, as status updates, for their facebook profiles. It’s situations like this that really gets that itch flamed up. Even an amateur would take a look into this, how could I look away? The plan was simple, meet with acquaintance A and formulate a plan. It’s like eating cheesecake at the cheesecake factory, deliciousness comes with a cost and I never forget that.


Acquaintance A, my go to guy for such occurrences, is a crude looking fella. Shaves close enough to the skin to make it look like he hadn’t shaved at all, but is also not going for the Merlin look. His hair, greasy, is pulled back tight into a low ponytail, gathered at the nape of his neck. I hate that fucking thing, if I didn’t think he wouldn’t hesitate for a moment at gouging a knife through my eye, I’d cut that shit off. His left eye wanders a bit to the left, curiously looking for what is to come. If there was anything that I have learned with acquaintance A is to never call him Lefty and don’t stare at his left eye. I’m not sure how he can tell, but the fucker pistol-whipped me once because of it. Put a goddamn eye patch on that shit if you don’t what people looking at it, is all I can say.


I’m not even sure how acquaintance A and I got to doing this sort of thing together. We hit the same house one night, unbeknown to either of us, until both guns were drawn and pointing at figures our eyes have never been laid upon before. A nasty fight ensued thereafter. I fucking hate getting stitches, is all I can say about that. With every blow we gave one another, we must have also realized some sort of redeeming quality the other one had, because afterward we shared a beer and decided to split the rewards equally. And like that, an acquaintance was made.


It’s a long drive to acquaintance A’s house, gives ya plenty to think about. I’m not sure where my mind went on the drive though. One minute I’m heading out to get him and the next I’m sitting in the car, parked in front of his house, watching him slide out the door, in order to not wake the missus. If you think acquaintance A was nasty, you didn’t want to meet the woman he calls his ball and chain. He slid down into the car and we headed out. “What’s the plan?” I ask him. “What?!” he said, “I thought you had the plan?” Looks like our plan hightailed it outta here, too anxious to wait for us.


If there’s anything more that I hate about doing a hit without a plan, it’s finding that we never had a plan to begin with. We had a drive ahead of us, plenty of time to figure out what we were going to do. Acquaintance A and I had only done our planning together once before, he found it degrading and unnatural. But I’ve always found the Blue’s Clue method into tracking down a good plan both rewarding and uplifting.